supported by
Jessica Evans aka PokeMC Sapphire
Jessica Evans aka PokeMC Sapphire thumbnail
Jessica Evans aka PokeMC Sapphire This entire album is pure gold, and I still cant get enough of it 2 1/2 years later. Schaffer, Shael, and Ty have collaborated to create pieces that invoke incredible emotion, thoughtfulness, and self evaluation. From reinventing a Schaffer classic, to telling all-too-relatable stories of recollection and regret- Hold Person speaks to the holding patterns we've all found ourselves repeating against our better instincts. Favorite track: To the Ground.
ggypsum
ggypsum thumbnail
ggypsum The two years' worth of work you put into this shows off. Great backstory—introducing me to this album is another reason why I love the Epic Pie Cast. Favorite track: Surrender.
Stormageddon
Stormageddon thumbnail
Stormageddon This is such a laser precise album. The perfect mix of chiptune, rap and pop. Flawless Victory. Favorite track: 10,000 Cigarettes.
DeathofaTrap
DeathofaTrap thumbnail
DeathofaTrap Not at all what I expected. This calls for a joint and headphones. Favorite track: 10,000 Cigarettes.
Jay-Radd
Jay-Radd thumbnail
Jay-Radd What? What did I just- wait, am I, huh? But this...I can't even with this album. Favorite track: 10,000 Cigarettes.
vincevandal
vincevandal thumbnail
vincevandal Shael Riley and Schaffer The Darklord is a FANTASTIC combination. Favorite track: The Other Devil.
more...
/
  • Streaming + Download

    Includes unlimited streaming via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality download in MP3, FLAC and more.
    Purchasable with gift card

      $7 USD  or more

     

1.
Got in my time machine, and I departed That's right, I got a time machine, it fits inside of my apartment It only works for me and goes as far as 20 years back Only into the past, I don't remember when I started My TV and remote are its controls, and there is A dirty purple couch that serves as its command chair, and All these old Hi-8 tapes I pump into its fuel lines I watch them chain-smoking as I travel through time While I was playing hero, in 1999 The angel sent for me was swallowed up by time Ten thousand cigarettes, I dedicate your name But the future refused to change And so I set a course for 1996 again And visit my old bands, my college roommates and friends This time around though I know where all these bros will go So young and hungry then, that was like a thousand shows ago And next I check in with an ex in '98 Try not to think of how it ends as I rewind the tape In Y2K I find the day I fly away, I try to say Just wait, it's a mistake, but I can't, this isn't my today On to the dark of time - no future and no past Hold on to memories I know that cannot last Time scars and falling stars commemorate our reign But the future refused to change In 2004 a brand new city puts excitement on my face That guy doesn’t know the toll upon his soul that it will take In '06 I listen to the vows I know I'll never keep In '08 I'm blowing up though I've nearly reached my peak In '10, '11, '12 I laugh with pals that will be gone In '13 can't un-start the final fight had with my mom I travel back a year and find there's nothing there to miss Because by then I'd traded making memories for doing this And nothing's been prevented Each visit's more unpleasant “Great scott!” exclaims the doc as I explain I guess I get it I live in that past because I'm dead in this present Surrounded by the ghosts of my regrets but otherwise alone Echoes of a life inside of boxes that I call a home Every time I exit the machine, it's all the same Just an overflowing ashtray, a future which remains Alone I sat and thought of worlds that could have been She turns to tell me we were only kids back then Time stop and paradox; I’ll never be the same But the future refused to change Ten thousand cigarettes
2.
I invented Jesus, and I put him into my head Because I don’t understand how we don’t exist When we’re dead He shows me angels and ghosts He loves my mumbo-jumbo words Jesus killing science, screaming “Death to the herds” Praise the lordy lord My child, I'm the son of God His only begotten son, impossibly unflawed For the Father so loved the Earth That he delivered it a savior via virgin birth That whoever shall believeth in him shall not perish Upon them bestowed a gift eternally cherished Spreadeth mine word so men may hear it again In the name of the father, son and holy spirt, amen So, if we’re good, we’ll go on high That’s why Jesus is my guy Take this flesh, this blood of mine Eat of this bread, drink of this wine I’ll pack a suitcase, when I die Climb on Jesus’s skyride I bought in to Jesus Now, I don’t have to be scared ‘Cause when I die and go to heaven, fucker, you won’t be there He’s so forgiving and kind. Thou shalt not suffer a fool Even when I fuck up, Jesus tells me it’s cool Praise the lordy lord Like I taught the lot of my flock In that sermon that I served them from the top of that rock You gotta beware of prophets who are false in their speech For their clothing of sheep belies the wolves that hide underneath But remembereth that judgment is for God and God alone And let he who is without sin be first to toss a stone The Kingdom of Heaven awaits ascending of men I am the Alpha and Omega, the beginning and end Be still and quiet. Shut out the light. Jesus comes for us, tonight I am the door, I am the lord and the light I am the way, I am the truth and the life We’ll live forever--fucking tight Jesus loves it when I’m right Let us pray Amen. It’s Emperor Jesus. New clothes. Your faith he excretes it Who knows? He just might be inside me Let the choir sing Head bowed. All-one in his presence Mind clouded up by his essence True bros can’t help but believe it I got the Jesus. Flames on my breeches. Better believe he reprieves all the Sneetches And, no, it isn’t a sin Jesus says “one man shall only love another if it’s him” I guess he’s jealous and stuff I guess I’m kind-of the same All I need is Jesus when he squeezes my brain Praise the lordy lord For you I died high on that cross The lesson was self-sacrifice, that message was lost You gotta sell your possessions, gotta give to the poor And for the sick and the hungry, you gotta open your doors For all of God's children are your sisters and brothers As I have loved you, you must love one another Eternal paradise awaits not the pious of men When your personal lord and savior rises again He’s in a spaceship of the mind Jesus 2099 Take this flesh, this blood of mine Eat of this bread, drink of this wine And we’ve transcended human kind Me and Jesus, we’ve got mine Peace be with you
3.
I could die here There is one thing stopping me from dying here Blows rain on me I’m the fun-man army in this run-course, none-horse town But it’s calling from the grandstands It’s falling from the sky And I’m crying from the black diamonds of make-up ‘round my eyes I snap into a suplex My head is upside-down And I send them to the ground There’s a place where you can drown your madness and your misery The beer is cold, and the violence golden The first round’s free In here, they call me “Vegas” or “Valentine Burlesque,” Or “Bloody Mr. Big Top,” on account of how I dress: a polka-dotted jumpsuit; a grease-painted frown And I send them to the ground Let’s get you venomous, baby I’m a generous man Whoa, and No glory, no fame for the working man No fireworks, no pomp and circumstance No interviews, no merch, no wealth Always the turnbuckle, never the gold belt Guys like me always get clobbered by the bigwigs Guys like me they call us jobbers in the business Book the gig, take the fall, sell it, make the rent No one puts us over, no we’ve never made a main event I’ve taken them all, kid, submissions and pins In a career record rocking more concussions than wins I’ve caught the stars falling, watched the Harts get broken Seen them screwed like Bret, or get dropped like Owen But I keep going though it’s all been hell on my health I’d rather fade away than burn out, I keep telling myself I once worked hoping for a spot at the top But now it’s just cause it’s all that I’ve got And when you’re feeling troubled And when you realize The future is a brick wall with landmines on both sides Step into my circle Listen to my crowd And send them to the ground It’s calling from the grandstands It’s falling from the sky And I’m crying from the black diamonds of make-up ‘round my eyes I snap into a suplex My head is upside-down And I send them to the ground And send them to the ground And send them to the ground And send them to the ground
4.
What's wrong? - why the long Face on? - come along The rain is gone, we got a song Hey, c'mon and sing along Problems – you've got them Throbbing in your noggin Gotta walk them off or talk about them Or hit rock bottom You've a quandry – sticky thistle Big dilemma – in a pickle Take a walk – start to pace Between a rock and hard place On a wire – snafu Quagmire – catch 22 Sick and tired – feeling blue It's dire – what you gonna go? Behind your blinds – peeking out Hide inside – freaking out Sweating bullets – stressing hard Flip a coin – pick a card Roll the dice – draw straws Shake the 8 – Ball and pause Don't you go – and hurt yourself Take a breath – we're here to help You could use some good advice We'll talk you through and do it twice Just because we're mighty nice There's two of us for twice the price We'll offer you a payment plan First I gotta shake your hand For truly I'm a faithful fan And you are Popeye the sailor man I'm the devil on your shoulder He's an evil-doer's soldier Like I told you I'm the other devil on your other shoulder Enabler – facilitator Big mistake maker I'm the devil - I’m the other devil On your shoulder - on your other shoulder I'm the devil on your shoulder An evil-doer's soldier Like I told you I'm the other devil on your other shoulder Enabler – facilitator Big mistake maker I'm the devil - I'm the devil On your shoulder - on your shoulder Hold up, did you get ejected from the Navy, son? Fuck it, come with me and drown your sorrows in some Jameson Wait a minute, booze ain't gonna help you chase the pain away Stay away from him, have a seat, try this cabernet Fuck that, let's get high on hard drugs, what's your type? I've always wondered what you're smoking in your yellow pipe Just say no to drugs, have a hug, come with me a sec Stop - take a breath – great, now take a percocet Sailing on the open sea, let's stage a mutiny Cast your shipmates overboard, your only crew is you and me I disagree, we should flee tonight while the crew’s asleep Free the lifeboats as we let them drift out to see On shore leave, surely you needn't give Olive a call Find a port, get some hookers, line them up, and bang them all But Olive is your only woman, don't you dare betray her Talk a walk to a dock and fuck a bunch of sailors Oh, that wimpy as fuck punk I see around Has abused your kindness too long, it's time you beat him down That would hardly be a fair fight, wouldn't you say? Don't you beat him up today, you should do it Tuesday. Now listen, it sickens me to see you eat that spinach Hey, I've got some greasy cheesy fries for you to finish Those won't make you strong, fatty foods you should avoid Have some leafy greens, and you can chase them with these steroids I'm the devil on your shoulder He's an evil-doer's soldier Like I told you I'm the other devil on your other shoulder Enabler – facilitator Big mistake maker I'm the devil - I’m the other devil On your shoulder - on your other shoulder I'm the devil on your shoulder An evil-doer's soldier Like I told you I'm the other devil on your other shoulder Enabler – facilitator Big mistake maker I'm the devil - I'm the devil On your shoulder - on your shoulder Now you know that your woe’s a true foe named Bluto Should you go and kill him, you’d be better off, and you know Oh no, don’t go and murder him, that’s no Punishment, torture would be so much more apropos But he’s moving in on Olive, and I think she kinda likes it Nip it in the bud, spill their blood, don’t try to fight it You think she’d learn a lesson? Shit, well, hell if I know Instead go fuck her sister, send her pictures from your iPhone Sweet Pea’s crying, I can see it’s got you bothered Shut him up, rub-a-dub, in a tub of water Popeye, stop, my god, he’s just a child Float him down the river like they did in the bible God is of no relevance, you’re on another level The answers that you seek are found in worshipping the devil Well, that devil won’t level with you, salvation Can only be obtained by proclaiming “Hail Satan!” Now you’re smiling – styling While you’re – profiling You’re flying – high and The sun on you is shining Your step springs – heart sings Bells ring – everything Is looking up – take a cup The world’s your oyster – fill it up So glad that I could help you out So glad that I could ease your doubt Well, I suggested better plans But he took my advice, my man Well, I’m the one that told him to But I’m the one he listened to Well, who are you? Who are you? Who are you?! That’s your cue I'm the devil on your shoulder He's an evil-doer's soldier Like I told you I'm the other devil on your other shoulder An enabler – facilitator Big mistake maker I'm the devil - I’m the other devil On your shoulder - on your other shoulder I'm the devil on your shoulder We’re an evil-doer's soldier Like I told you I'm the other devil on your other shoulder An enabler – facilitator Big mistake maker I'm the devil - I'm the devil On your shoulder - on your shoulder
5.
Coming in like a number station Clustered ones and fives Electronic voices in the night Radio Kill Switch Radio Kill Switch With tonight’s top ten regrets Radio Kill Switch Radio Kill Switch For the lovers who wish that they’d never met Radio Kill Switch Is alive throughout the midnight sky it flies ‘Til the morning light It was you, it was me On a luxury cruise, we were out to sea We were about to be turning around headed back to land When a perfect storm formed, and the trip was damned And the power went out, and the ship capsized And the flare guns fired into pitch black skies And the hull was breached, we were taking on water Saw a father, he was calling for his daughter, but he lost her Didn’t bother helping other than my brother, that was you Got us both into a lifeboat, we were the only two Into the maw of the sea we did fall with a splash And we saw those who screamed as they clawed and they scratched And then all that we had was a bag and inside Just an AM/FM radio, we tried, all we’d find Through the crackle and the static and the dead night hiss Was a faint dance station playing a bedtime mix And the music barely coming through it went like this… Radio Kill Switch Radio Kill Switch Is your local Number One Radio Kill Switch Radio Kill Switch Expect delays on vindication Radio Kill Switch Is alive throughout the midnight sky it flies ‘Til the morning light Terrified floating through that moonless night Barely speaking to each other till the dawn’s first light In the waves of the storm, we were way off course No sign of the wreckage, not a board or a corpse And of course we were fortunate, we made it out alive More than scores of the souls aboard didn’t survive But our luck was a thing that was difficult to see In miles all directions only open sea But we told ourselves eventually if patient we’d be saved A comfort we invested in uneasy as the waves No food, just time, and a lot of it to think Water, water everywhere but not a drop to drink As day turned to night back to day and on and on It was all we could do just to try to stay calm Occasionally static and occasionally music Trying not to panic, we were both about to lose it But we knew it, we knew that we could do it We knew that if we kept our cool that we’d maneuver through it Soaked to the bones in the sea spray mist We started passing time coming up with lists All of our victories, dreams we’d abandoned Things that we did do, things that we hadn’t Spoke of our regrets and to one another’s weakness Fessed up to all our crimes, shared all our secrets If we could’ve would’ve taken back all that we did But especially getting on that goddamn ship Should’ve driven back home, should’ve flown to Madrid Should’ve given this raft to that dad and his kid And we cursed at a world we knew soon we would leave And we prayed to a god in which neither believed For a moment we thought that the reaper just might miss When the radio crackled again at sunlight’s kiss But the only signal in it sounded just like this… Radio Kill Switch Radio Kill Switch Is the last thing that you hear Radio Kill Switch Radio Kill Switch Commercial-free, uninterrupted fear Radio Kill Switch Is alive throughout the midnight sky it flies ‘Til the morning light I don’t know how long had passed When the fever set in and the madness clasped At the final and fragile frayed ends of our minds And I snapped like a broken rubber band as I cried “I wanna kill you! I wanna eat you! I wanna save you! I wanna fuck you, love you, I wanna take you Down to the bottom of the water, both gurgling Far below the vultures and the dorsal fins circling!” We saw as your throat found the grip of my fists Off on the horizon the light of a ship And we heard for the first in that silent abyss The air from our leaking vessel’s telltale hiss We paddled to the light, but the pressure of the motion Deflated our boat, and we slipped into the ocean We swam with the last energy saved up And we struggled going under as the sea waves struck And this is what we heard when we gave up... Radio Kill Switch Is the best thing that I’ve got Radio Kill Switch Radio Kill Switch Like your heartbeat, this transmission will drop Radio Kill Switch Is alive throughout the midnight sky it flies ‘Til the morning light
6.
Surrender 04:22
Lyrics by Rick Nielsen (1978)
7.
I invented Jesus, and I put him into my head Because I don’t understand how we don’t exist When we’re dead He shows me angels and ghosts He loves my mumbo-jumbo words Jesus killing science, screaming “Death to the nerds” Praise the lordy lord My child, I'm the son of God His only begotten son, impossibly unflawed For the Father so loved the Earth That he delivered it a savior via virgin birth That whoever shall believeth in him shall not perish Upon them bestowed a gift eternally cherished Spreadeth mine word so men may hear it again In the name of the father, son and holy spirt, amen So, if we’re good, we’ll go on high That’s why Jesus is my guy Take this flesh, this blood of mine Eat of this bread, drink of this wine I’ll pack a suitcase, when I die Climb on Jesus’s skyride I bought in to Jesus Now, I don’t have to be scared ‘Cause when I die and go to heaven, fucker, you won’t be there He’s so forgiving and kind. Thou shalt not suffer a fool Even when I fuck up, Jesus tells me it’s cool Praise the lordy lord Like I taught the lot of my flock In that sermon that I served them from the top of that rock You gotta beware of prophets who are false in their speech For their clothing of sheep belies the wolves that hide underneath But remembereth that judgment is for God and God alone And let he who is without sin be first to toss a stone The Kingdom of Heaven awaits ascending of men I am the Alpha and Omega, the beginning and end Be still and quiet. Shut out the light. Jesus comes for us, tonight I am the door, I am the lord and the light I am the way, I am the truth and the life We’ll live forever--fucking tight Jesus loves it when I’m right Let us pray Amen. It’s Emperor Jesus. New clothes. Your faith he excretes it Who knows? He just might be inside me Let the choir sing Head bowed. All-one in his presence Mind clouded up by his essence True bros can’t help but believe it I got the Jesus. Flames on my breeches. Better believe he reprieves all the Sneetches And, no, it isn’t a sin Jesus says “one man shall only love another if it’s him” I guess he’s jealous and stuff I guess I’m kind-of the same All I need is Jesus when he squeezes my brain Praise the lordy lord For you I died high on that cross The lesson was self-sacrifice, that message was lost You gotta sell your possessions, gotta give to the poor And for the sick and the hungry, you gotta open your doors For all of God's children are your sisters and brothers As I have loved you, you must love one another Eternal paradise awaits not the pious of men When your personal lord and savior rises again He’s in a spaceship of the mind Jesus 2099 Take this flesh, this blood of mine Eat of this bread, drink of this wine And we’ve transcended human kind Me and Jesus, we’ve got mine Peace be with you
8.
Coming in like a number station Clustered ones and fives Electronic voices in the night Radio Kill Switch Radio Kill Switch With tonight’s top ten regrets Radio Kill Switch Radio Kill Switch For the lovers who wish that they’d never met Radio Kill Switch Is alive throughout the midnight sky it flies ‘Til the morning light It was you, it was me On a luxury cruise, we were out to sea We were about to be turning around headed back to land When a perfect storm formed, and the trip was damned And the power went out, and the ship capsized And the flare guns fired into pitch black skies And the hull was breached, we were taking on water Saw a father, he was calling for his daughter, but he lost her Didn’t bother helping other than my brother, that was you Got us both into a lifeboat, we were the only two Into the maw of the sea we did fall with a splash And we saw those who screamed as they clawed and they scratched And then all that we had was a bag and inside Just an AM/FM radio, we tried, all we’d find Through the crackle and the static and the dead night hiss Was a faint dance station playing a bedtime mix And the music barely coming through it went like this… Radio Kill Switch Radio Kill Switch Is your local Number One Radio Kill Switch Radio Kill Switch Expect delays on vindication Radio Kill Switch Is alive throughout the midnight sky it flies ‘Til the morning light Terrified floating through that moonless night Barely speaking to each other till the dawn’s first light In the waves of the storm, we were way off course No sign of the wreckage, not a board or a corpse And of course we were fortunate, we made it out alive More than scores of the souls aboard didn’t survive But our luck was a thing that was difficult to see In miles all directions only open sea But we told ourselves eventually if patient we’d be saved A comfort we invested in uneasy as the waves No food, just time, and a lot of it to think Water, water everywhere but not a drop to drink As day turned to night back to day and on and on It was all we could do just to try to stay calm Occasionally static and occasionally music Trying not to panic, we were both about to lose it But we knew it, we knew that we could do it We knew that if we kept our cool that we’d maneuver through it Soaked to the bones in the sea spray mist We started passing time coming up with lists All of our victories, dreams we’d abandoned Things that we did do, things that we hadn’t Spoke of our regrets and to one another’s weakness Fessed up to all our crimes, shared all our secrets If we could’ve would’ve taken back all that we did But especially getting on that goddamn ship Should’ve driven back home, should’ve flown to Madrid Should’ve given this raft to that dad and his kid And we cursed at a world we knew soon we would leave And we prayed to a god in which neither believed For a moment we thought that the reaper just might miss When the radio crackled again at sunlight’s kiss But the only signal in it sounded just like this… Radio Kill Switch Radio Kill Switch Is the last thing that you hear Radio Kill Switch Radio Kill Switch Commercial-free, uninterrupted fear Radio Kill Switch Is alive throughout the midnight sky it flies ‘Til the morning light I don’t know how long had passed When the fever set in and the madness clasped At the final and fragile frayed ends of our minds And I snapped like a broken rubber band as I cried “I wanna kill you! I wanna eat you! I wanna save you! I wanna fuck you, love you, I wanna take you Down to the bottom of the water, both gurgling Far below the vultures and the dorsal fins circling!” We saw as your throat found the grip of my fists Off on the horizon the light of a ship And we heard for the first in that silent abyss The air from our leaking vessel’s telltale hiss We paddled to the light, but the pressure of the motion Deflated our boat, and we slipped into the ocean We swam with the last energy saved up And we struggled going under as the sea waves struck And this is what we heard when we gave up... Radio Kill Switch Is the best thing that I’ve got Radio Kill Switch Radio Kill Switch Like your heartbeat, this transmission will drop Radio Kill Switch Is alive throughout the midnight sky it flies ‘Til the morning light

about

Rapper Schaffer the Darklord (Sick Passenger, 2013) teams up with chiptune/indie rock duo Shael Riley and the Double Ice Backfire (Ultimate Songs from the Pit, 2011) for a collection of tracks about consequences and regret.

credits

released November 13, 2017

Guitar, bass, arrangement, and drum programming by Ty Guenley
Lyrics, vocals, arrangement, and NES programming by Shael Riley
Lyrics and vocals by Schaffer the Darklord

Track #2 features additional choir vocals by Devon Riley
Track #6 melody and lyrics by R. Nielsen (1978)

Engineered, mixed, and mastered by Ty Guenley
Album art by Ricky Henry
Produced by Ty Guenley, Shael Riley, and Schaffer the Darklord

license

all rights reserved

tags

about

Schaffer the Darklord

Schaffer the Darklord (or STD) is a New York City-based rapper and comedian with material best-suited for brainy and/or drug- addled audiences. With manic energy, verbose vocabulary and cartoonishly commanding stage presence, STD skewers such topics as hedonistic substance abuse, sexual compulsion, urban anxiety and obsessive cat-enthusiasts. ... more

shows

contact / help

Contact Schaffer the Darklord

Streaming and
Download help

Redeem code

Report this album or account

If you like Hold Person, you may also like: