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lyrics

I invented Jesus, and I put him into my head
Because I don’t understand how we don’t exist
When we’re dead

He shows me angels and ghosts
He loves my mumbo-jumbo words
Jesus killing science, screaming
“Death to the nerds”

Praise the lordy lord

My child, I'm the son of God
His only begotten son, impossibly unflawed
For the Father so loved the Earth
That he delivered it a savior via virgin birth

That whoever shall believeth in him shall not perish
Upon them bestowed a gift eternally cherished
Spreadeth mine word so men may hear it again
In the name of the father, son and holy spirt, amen


So, if we’re good, we’ll go on high
That’s why Jesus is my guy

Take this flesh, this blood of mine
Eat of this bread, drink of this wine

I’ll pack a suitcase, when I die
Climb on Jesus’s skyride

I bought in to Jesus
Now, I don’t have to be scared
‘Cause when I die and go to heaven,
fucker, you won’t be there

He’s so forgiving and kind.
Thou shalt not suffer a fool

Even when I fuck up,
Jesus tells me it’s cool

Praise the lordy lord

Like I taught the lot of my flock
In that sermon that I served them from the top of that rock
You gotta beware of prophets who are false in their speech
For their clothing of sheep belies the wolves that hide underneath

But remembereth that judgment is for God and God alone
And let he who is without sin be first to toss a stone
The Kingdom of Heaven awaits ascending of men
I am the Alpha and Omega, the beginning and end

Be still and quiet.
Shut out the light.
Jesus comes for us, tonight

I am the door, I am the lord and the light
I am the way, I am the truth and the life

We’ll live forever--fucking tight
Jesus loves it when I’m right

Let us pray

Amen. It’s Emperor Jesus.
New clothes. Your faith he excretes it
Who knows? He just might be inside me

Let the choir sing

Head bowed. All-one in his presence
Mind clouded up by his essence
True bros can’t help but believe it

I got the Jesus.
Flames on my breeches.
Better believe he reprieves all the Sneetches

And, no, it isn’t a sin
Jesus says “one man shall only love another if it’s him”
I guess he’s jealous and stuff
I guess I’m kind-of the same

All I need is Jesus when he squeezes my brain

Praise the lordy lord

For you I died high on that cross
The lesson was self-sacrifice, that message was lost
You gotta sell your possessions, gotta give to the poor
And for the sick and the hungry, you gotta open your doors

For all of God's children are your sisters and brothers
As I have loved you, you must love one another
Eternal paradise awaits not the pious of men
When your personal lord and savior rises again

He’s in a spaceship of the mind
Jesus 2099

Take this flesh, this blood of mine
Eat of this bread, drink of this wine

And we’ve transcended human kind
Me and Jesus, we’ve got mine

Peace be with you

credits

from Hold Person, released November 13, 2017
All instruments by Ty Guenley
Lyrics and vocals by Shael Riley
Lyrics and vocals by Schaffer the Darklord
Engineered, mixed and mastered by Ty Guenley

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Schaffer the Darklord

Schaffer the Darklord (or STD) is a New York City-based rapper and comedian with material best-suited for brainy and/or drug- addled audiences. With manic energy, verbose vocabulary and cartoonishly commanding stage presence, STD skewers such topics as hedonistic substance abuse, sexual compulsion, urban anxiety and obsessive cat-enthusiasts. ... more

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