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Rated G for Trauma

from 999 by MC Lars & Schäffer the Darklord

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Inspired by the entire Disney animated film catalog.

lyrics

Animated, we watched them with our mama
They were rated G, but they brought us trauma
Walt created scenes that burned inside our lids
These were made for little kids? We were only little kids
At 42 minutes in, Bambi’s mom is dead
At 36 minutes in, Simba’s dad is dead
At 11 minutes in, Carl’s partner is dead
Before the opening credits, Nemo’s mother is dead
Cinderella’s sisters ripped her dress off and attacked her
When Belle was imprisoned she fell in love with her captor
Mulan found a burning village where no one survived
Ms. DeVille had planned to skin those spotted puppies alive
Quasimodo’s disability was ridiculed brutally
Dumbo subjected to endless animal cruelty
Dr. Facilier killing Ray, crushed him into the ground, and
Satan held a demon orgy on a night on Bald Mountain
Animated, we watched them with our mama
They were rated G, but they brought us trauma
Walt created scenes that burned inside our lids
These were made for little kids? We were only little kids
At 5 minutes in, the Fox’s mama is shot
All the hounds in the pound sobbed when Lady got caught
Ichabod Crane had crossed the bridge, but it was too late
Andy’s toys joined hands and accepted their fate
Ariel watched on as Eric’s ship was burnin’
Pocahontas watched on as Kocoum was murdered
Sleeping Beauty was assaulted while she was unconscious
Snow White was assaulted while she was unconscious
Jafar preyed on Jasmine, she was only fifteen
Sully utterly terrified little Boo with his scream
The Red Queen demanded countless mass decapitations
The Tarzan action figure simulated masturbation, look it up
Bing Bong was sacrificed so Joy could still make it
Lilo and Nani were children when their parents were taken
Wall-E was all alone, our whole planet was ruined
When Old Yeller turned rabid, poor Travis had to shoot him
Animated, we watched them with our mama
They were rated G, but they brought us trauma
Walt created scenes that burned inside our lids
These were made for little kids? We were only little kids

credits

from 999, released February 9, 2024

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Schaffer the Darklord

Schaffer the Darklord (or STD) is a New York City-based rapper and comedian with material best-suited for brainy and/or drug- addled audiences. With manic energy, verbose vocabulary and cartoonishly commanding stage presence, STD skewers such topics as hedonistic substance abuse, sexual compulsion, urban anxiety and obsessive cat-enthusiasts. ... more

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