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No Windows, No Doors

from 999 by MC Lars & Schäffer the Darklord

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Inspired by Disney World's Haunted Mansion ride. Features additional vocals by Liliia Kysil.

lyrics

Welcome, foolish mortals to the haunted mansion
Now everybody gather 'round, crowd it in and abandon
Any hope for your survival, your smiles on arrival
Quickly turn to terror once you learn this destination's final
These marble busts, they follow us like screams behind the bending doors
Luigi’s Mansion’s half as horrifying as what lies in store
Floating candles down the hallway, never ending, losing hope
I feel the walls close in upon my dome, no joke, a hatbox ghost
No windows, no doors, no doubt
Don't shout, there's only one way out
There is no turning back, no key and no latch
The only way to escape is through one unspeakable act
First the nervous laughter as the horrors start unfolding
Your cadaverous pallor betrays an aura of foreboding
As you're sensing the room is stretching, you finally get it
The only way out's a less than conventional exit
This endless chase could then erase me
Schaffer, please defenestrate me
Basement feels like John Wayne Gary’s
Cold embrace like Patrick Swayze
Making pottery for Emily
Unopened wedding gifts
Like Sartre said the onus shifts
When no exits open quick
No windows, no doors, no doubt
Don't shout, there's only one way out
There is no turning back, no key and no latch
The only way to escape is through one unspeakable act
Hanging from the ceiling, that’s how Gracey’s been feeling
We’ll find a way out, I’m hoping for sure

credits

from 999, released February 9, 2024

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Schaffer the Darklord

Schaffer the Darklord (or STD) is a New York City-based rapper and comedian with material best-suited for brainy and/or drug- addled audiences. With manic energy, verbose vocabulary and cartoonishly commanding stage presence, STD skewers such topics as hedonistic substance abuse, sexual compulsion, urban anxiety and obsessive cat-enthusiasts. ... more

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