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about
A non-holiday song about swearing wrapped up in a tribute to a classic Christmas movie.
Written by Schaffer the Darklord
Produced by Vince Vandal
lyrics
Hey, kids! It’s your pal Uncle Schaff again
Thanks for waiting in the line, I’m glad you made it in
I gotta warn you, though, just in case you hadn’t heard
My act is for adults, I use a lot of bad words
And you and me both, we gotta thank your folks enough
They brought you here to hear my complicated grown up stuff
But tonight I’ll keep it clean without a swear, instead
I’ll make like Old Man Parker did when he said
Drop dumb fratten house tickle pfeiffer
You mully wup wonder house tickle pfeiffer
And if I feel the cursing coming while I try to rap
I’ll make like the bullied kid did when he snapped
Bang gunk stinkin’ house tickle pfeiffer
Butter bus nickel stain house tickle pfeiffer
And I suppose it goes that when I play all ages shows
You know I get a few of those with runny nose and little clothes
But it’s weird when an underage fan’ll go to
“I like the Tin Man," I hate the smell of tapioca
Look, I know it’s fun to memorize, recite my features
Just don’t do it for your friends’ folks or your teachers
I did it too when I was young, and if it wasn’t right
I’d just change up all the dirty parts to something like
Drop dumb fratten house tickle pfeiffer
You mully wup wonder house tickle pfeiffer
If I repeated a comedian from HBO
I would change it at the punchline, and I would go
Bang gunk stinkin’ house tickle pfeiffer
Butter bus nickel stain house tickle pfeiffer
Now I’m older, I’ve developed new abilities
But with them come a set of new responsibilities
I wanna set a good example, and it’s obvious
That changing up my act will help me reach a broader audience
And on this policy of PG, I won’t budge
But if I slip up once or twice, please don’t judge
Or hold a grudge, one time an elbow nudge
On stage made me drop my mic, and I was all like
“Ohhh…fffuuudge”
Only I didn’t say fudge
Drop dumb fratten house tickle pfeiffer
You mully wup wonder house tickle pfeiffer
I said the big word, bad word, that word
The queen mother, the F dash-dash-dash word
Bang gunk stinkin’ house tickle pfeiffer
Butter bus nickel stain house tickle pfeiffer
I gotta level with you, this isn’t allegory
It’s just a bunch of bits I ripped off from A Christmas Story
It’s a movie about a 9 year-old child
Who wants a bb gun in 1940 Ohio
Released in ’83, stars Peter Billingsley
Who later played a small role in Elf in 2003
Everything you hear was lifted from it, it’s true
This music and these samples, references and this too
Drop dumb fratten house tickle pfeiffer
You mully wup wonder house tickle pfeiffer
There’s lots of magic in this holiday classic
Though the next to last scene is awfully problematic
Extract that, and every viewing beats the previous
A Christmas Story: catch it every Christmas Day on TBS
“A crummy commercial? Son of a bitch.”
credits
released December 4, 2018
Schaffer the Darklord - loops, lyrics, vocal recording, album cover
Vince Vandal - production and mix
Dedicated to Alice Schaffer (March 12, 1946 - December 5, 2013) because she would have loved this.
Schaffer the Darklord (or STD) is a New York City-based rapper and comedian with material best-suited for brainy and/or drug-
addled audiences. With manic energy, verbose vocabulary and cartoonishly commanding stage presence, STD skewers such topics as hedonistic substance abuse, sexual compulsion, urban anxiety and obsessive cat-enthusiasts....more
supported by 32 fans who also own “House Tickle Pfeiffer”
Couldn't have made "BURNER" without the Nerdcore genre this man started. Love this O.G.'s exasperated take on the modern internet, and hope he hasn't given it up entirely! Laurence Warner
supported by 19 fans who also own “House Tickle Pfeiffer”
MC Lars has gone above and beyond with this record. Apart from the obvious, (an EP dedicated to our boy Roger) Lars has produced 7 tracks of pure awesomeness, including catchy beats and a whole host of talented featured artists like Mega Ran and Schäffer! Thanks so much Lars for delivering another amazing bunch of tunes :) emilyq92
supported by 17 fans who also own “House Tickle Pfeiffer”
I love this whole album: It just captures a wide range of experiences and affects the listener with a wide range of emotions.
I first liked this album because of the nerdcore elements, but I fell in love when I realized that these verses were true poetry, speaking to a deeper truth and beauty unlike most hip-hop I've heard. "A Poet" exemplifies this with its bittersweet message about how poetry is not valued. This is the first hip-hop tune I've ever shed a tear over.
Take a bow, Mega Ran. platinumazure
supported by 17 fans who also own “House Tickle Pfeiffer”
I didn't think it was possible to top "Raging Ego" because of how incredible it was but I was dead wrong. This record is flawless. Lex took sharp lyrics, phenomenal story telling and mind blowing beats and sharpened them into a fine and perfected blade of hip hop. Absolutely brilliant. Matt aka Stormageddon