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lyrics

Never broke a bone, never bought a home
Never watched an episode of Game of Thrones
Never followed sports, never touched a corpse
Never rode a motorcycle or a horse

Zip-lined, never sky-dived
Never done a backflip off a high dive
Never visited the Friends fountain
Never scuba-dived or climbed a mountain

But I would do all this for you (only for you)
If you ever asked me to

Never owned a car, never played guitar
Onstage in any bar
Never been a pyro or had a child, no
Never freestyle in my live show

Never sweet-talked with a street cop
Live beatboxed, never sleepwalked
Never been a felon or been caroling
And I’ve never ever shot up heroin

But I would do all this for you (only for you)
If you ever asked me to

Never used a pass-through, never had to
Or got an ear pierced or a tattoo
Never slept in a log cabin
Never learned the rules of backgammon

Had an accident deploy an airbag
Been to Disneyland, never done drag
Had an allergy or worked a factory
Played a Pokemon or Final Fantasy

Never took karate or adopted doggies
Never been a passenger in a Ferrari
Seen Japan, never built a van
Though I’ve wanted to, I’ve never killed a man

There’s a synonym for “gentle”
With a “fossil”-like sound
It starts with a “D,” six letters
And I’ve never said it out loud

Never been an intern, never been burned
In a campfire, never been turned
To a vampire, never did learn
How to hot-wire, never mentored

Any youngsters, been a hunter
Never been the one to throw the first punch, or
Ever seen or tried to eat a ghost pepper
Never have I ever played “Never Have I Ever”

Been struck by lightning
Never really ever read the Shining
Or described someone as beguiling
And I’ve still never seen the Lion King

Never loved anybody this hard
Never made love in a graveyard
Never felt any love was timeless
Never wrote a song quite like this

But baby, I do this for you (only for you)
Just because I wanted to

credits

from The Derelict Craft, released July 22, 2022
Vinyll - instrumental
Mark Schaffer - lyrics, vocals, arrangement

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Schaffer the Darklord

Schaffer the Darklord (or STD) is a New York City-based rapper and comedian with material best-suited for brainy and/or drug- addled audiences. With manic energy, verbose vocabulary and cartoonishly commanding stage presence, STD skewers such topics as hedonistic substance abuse, sexual compulsion, urban anxiety and obsessive cat-enthusiasts. ... more

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