SCHAFFER:
Hey, MC Lars!

LARS:
What's that, Schaffer?

SCHAFFER:
We're making the band!

LARS:
Yeah!

SCHAFFER:
Literally

LARS:
That's-that's a good pun

SCHAFFER:
In an attempt to assemble the ultimate quintet
The rock world or any world has seen yet, we met
And schemed a way that we could get the best of the best
But in the end we had to settle for the bits that were left

We got nauseous
The stench of rotten flesh inside the coffins
Of Keith Moon, Buddy Rich
Mitch Mitchell, John Bohnam
We got 'em up, chopped 'em up
And sewed them together
Creating what would surely become
The greatest drummer ever

But wait this
Drummer needs a bassist, this is
When we dug up Dee Dee, Cliff Burton, and Sid Vicious
Rick James, Dave Blood
Pieced them all into one
Two abominations built, but we'd barely begun

We needed more of this
For a keyboardist, so we got the bodies
Of John Lennon, Ray Charles, even Liberace
Before completion of the resurrection, we reckon
We need some leads for this rhythm section, we got

CHORUS:
A couple shovels
A cart for haulin'
We going a-robbin'
The rock stars' coffins
A little thread
An electric shock and
They're alive
Our monsters are rockin'

LARS:
Moving on, Schaffer, this part's the hardest
The parts that we harvest now form our guitarist
Hendrix, Robert Johnson
That guy from Hawthorne Heights
A bit of Randy Rhoads from his final crazy flight

Ty Longley from Great White? His hands are too crispy
Let's open that FedEx sent from Corpus Christi
It's Selena, our singer
We've been dreaming of you
Pass me that hacksaw, we've got work to do
Yo Schaffer!

SCHAFFER:
Yes Lars?

LARS:
Hand me Eazy-E's tongue
You don't want HIV
Wash your hands when you're done
Check out GG Allin's torso but try not to laugh
At the tattoos that he copied from his first grade art class

We're dusting skull fragments from Kurt Cobain's garage
Picking up the teeth from Dimebag Darrell's shattered jaw
It's not easy going out with a bullet to the face
When your last is a gun-shot, then all it takes is

CHORUS:
A couple shovels
A cart for haulin'
We going a-robbin'
The rock stars' coffins
A little thread
An electric shock and
They're alive
Our monsters are rockin'

SCHAFFER:
Must have forgotten
That monsters rarely answer to masters
Our band's first slash last gig turned into disaster fast
Joey and Johnny Ramone's bones weren't compatible
And Johnny Thunder's leg kicked Johnny Cash's ass and all

LARS:
Then we mixed 2Pac's neck with Biggie's hands
He choked himself out, now he can barely stand
Our band's still infamous and they're hunger starved
Let's try again with some younger stars

SCHAFFER:
Maybe Amy Winehouse, the late British soul diva

LARS:
But she isn't dead yet!

SCHAFFER:
That gives me an idea...

LARS:
DJ AM survived some turbulence
How about Pete Wentz?

SCHAFFER:
Who?

LARS:
Haven't you heard of them?

SCHAFFER:
The kid's use a lot of auto-tune, but not a lot of heart

LARS:
I guess Wal-Mart culture discourages art

SCHAFFER:
Dead-eyed lifeless stars are rising the charts

LARS:
Next time we restart with more talented parts

CHORUS:
A couple shovels
A cart for haulin'
We going a-robbin'
The rock stars' coffins
A little thread
An electric shock and
They're alive
Our monsters are rockin'
Punk rock's dead
No pogo hoppin'
Death to false metal
Do the monster mosh and
Hip-hop's gone
Stop all the bottle poppin'
But we're alive!
Our monsters are rocking!

SCHAFFER:
My creation
Is it real?
You're my creation
I do not know
No hesitation
No heart of gold
Just flesh and blood
I do not know