We’ve updated our Terms of Use to reflect our new entity name and address. You can review the changes here.
We’ve updated our Terms of Use. You can review the changes here.

Sex Rhymes

by Schaffer the Darklord

supported by
Robin Wils
Robin Wils thumbnail
Robin Wils "Why do you love this album?"

Ehhhh.., STD just has funny and entertaining music! Just checkout his catalog of music! Favorite track: Yes.
ggypsum
ggypsum thumbnail
ggypsum Kinky, witty, hilariously heartfelt—Schaffer the Darklord's hedonistic rhymes are just as indulgent to the listener as sex itself. While the first four tracks are run-of-the-mill Schaffer songs—fast, clever, funny—"Stranger" showcases Scahffer's impeccable sense of rhythm and storytelling in a swingy, mournful tale of woe that resonates with the emptiness inside us all. Favorite track: Stranger.
Justin Isaac
Justin Isaac thumbnail
Justin Isaac Positive (and often funny) rhymes about sex, we need more music like this. Yes is the greatest song about consent I've ever heard. Favorite track: Yes.
more... more...
/
  • Streaming + Download

    Includes unlimited streaming via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality download in MP3, FLAC and more.
    Purchasable with gift card

      $4.69 USD  or more

     

1.
Sex Rhymes 02:08
Sex rhymes - sex rhymes, I said sex rhymes Sex rhymes - got them harder than deadlines Sex rhymes - got them dropping like necklines Sex rhymes - yeah Sex rhymes - sell them by the pound, come and get mine Sex rhymes - the kind you like with a red wine Sex rhymes - the kind I write before bedtime Sex rhymes - yeah, I just said it ten times Having sex, making love Kissing, touching, naked hugs Intercourse, adult relations Coupling, coitus, copulation Fornication, become one Move furniture, hit homeruns Hobby horse, making babies Playing doctor, hanky panky Tapping that, hitting that Make the beast that has two backs Knocking boots, rooting down Bumping uglies, fool around Laying with and knowing one In biblical senses Learning carnal knowledge of Do the devil's business Get it in, get it on Getting laid, getting off Getting busy, getting down Get your freak on, go to town Going all the way indeed Do the nasty, do the deed Do the grownup, to the well Doing it and do it well Do the no pants dance Tubesteak boogie Horizontal mambo Get a bit of nookie Hot beef injection Hide the salami A bit of the old in-and-out Organ origami Give it up, giving head Break them off, take to bed On your knees, open wide Spreading legs, go inside Hooking up, making nice Showing o-face, laying pipe A piece of ass, getting reamed Choking chicken, flicking bean DTF, DP and CBT, ATM Bondage and discipline Scissoring, S&M Masturbation, gagging, facial Fingerblasting, gaping anal Golden showers, brimping, pegging Bareback, creampie, edging, begging Greek and Frenching Ooh la la Fisting and spanking And an enema with champagne Gooey Hoo-ha, ah Whips, chains Underwater gangbang Drilling, nailing, pounding, busting Just a little sumthin' sumthin' Get your smash on, mashing pissers Eskimo bros and igloo sisters Nipple torture, tonsil hockey Hentai, shibari, bukakke Up the ass, down the throat Pickle tickle man in boat Handjob, blowjob, footjob, rimjob Swallowing, gobbling, polishing swollen knob Buttplug, ballgag, cockring, flogger Cowgirl, pony, piggy, doggy collar Screwing, shagging, schtupping, snogging Boning, banging, balling, boffing Boinking, porking, poking, voodoo Making whoopee, death by snu snu Piledriver, sixty-nine Cumming, squirting, slobber, slime Close the deal, getting lucky Jumping, pumping, humping, fucking
2.
Yes 03:08
Ooh, whatchoo wanna do, boo? What you get into? I just wanna bounce up out and have some fun with you There’s something wild behind your smile, I see it trickle through Maybe we can teach each other a new trick or two So where to? My place or yours? Or anywhere where we can get behind closed doors? I’ll gladly go and grab us up a cab, but before that I must ensure that everything is well above board, yeah Here’s my full name, and here’s my address In case you want to send them to your best friend in a text And let them know where you’re going, who you’re with and when you leave Or even ask them if there’s anything they’ve heard about me We’ve had a couple drinks tonight, are you impaired? Are you stumbling? Are you fucked up? Or are you aware And coherent and quite capable of making decisions? Then, cool, but I’ll keep asking for conviction And we go one, two, three and to the four Though your words say “yes,” I’ma need a little more I know you want it when you react with intent But first I need that enthusiastic consent And we go four, three, two and to the one I’ll be checking checking in even after we’re done But before we progress, stop, before we undress I’ma need a lot more than a “yes” I don’t see the mere fact you flirt with me As a sealed contract of our sexual certainty It doesn’t matter what you said when you were sexting me It only matters how you say it when you’re next to me And I don’t care if we’ve done it before Or if earlier we made out on the dance floor For if tonight you change your mind, fall asleep or say “stop” Then that’s when this stops But this isn’t just about your consent to my desires Let’s talk about what you want and what lights your fire You want me begging? (I’m into it) In leggings? (I’m into it) Are you interested in pegging? (into it) This could be amazing once concerns are assuaged And we’re good, giving and game and on the same page Everything in black and white and crystal clearer than day No blurred lines, no shades of grey And we go one, two, three and to the four Though your words say “yes,” I’ma need a little more I know you want it when you react with intent But first I need that enthusiastic consent And we go four, three, two and to the one I’ll be checking checking in even after we’re done But before we progress, stop, before we undress I’ma need a lot more than a “yes” And we go five, six, seven to the eight 
“No means no” is never up for debate And the lack of a “no” isn’t the same as a “yes” And a “yes” isn’t the same as an “oh my god, yes”
 And if that sentiment is expressed We can indulge to excess or only caress But before we progress, stop, before we undress I’ma need a lot more than a “yes” When I ask “you wanna?” you say “yes” When I ask “this ok?” you say “oh, yes” When I ask “into it?” you say “fuck yes” When I ask “keep going?” you say “no” Ok, then this is done
3.
Yo, we never even knew where they came from
 Maybe the ocean floor or so say some 
Others speculated that they came from outer space
 All we know is that they did come upon the planet’s face Those monsters, horrible things
 With gaping jaws, razor sharp claws and wings
 All covered in fur, feathers and nails, lizardish scales
 With tails they dragged behind them leaving glistening trails They emerged like something straight from our worst dreams
 Sirens started sounding at the sounds of the first screams
 Panic in the streets as people ran lest they got caught
 Crying out, “what fresh hell hath our god wrought?” Locked up all our doors, cocked our guns and we called cops 
Loaded up our shelters with supplies, pulled out all stops
 But none of that was necessary, seems we were in luck
 ‘Cause the monsters weren’t interested in us, they just want to fuck Monsters – creeping, crawling, shrieking, balling
 All those fucking monsters
 Horrible things
 They’re coming, they’re coming, they’re coming, they’re coming They were fuck monsters, yeah, monsters who fuck monsters 
Like sci-fi creatures from an x-rated Buck Rogers
 One track reptilian brains fucking one another 
Stop, drop and roll, duck and cover, motherfucker Sex beasts with two backs in many pairs
 Going in and out of one another, fucking everywhere
 And even there in hiding spots, we shook to the core
 When we heard the monsters’ awful roar Each of them had ten dicks, ten clits and ten tits
 And countless freaky fingers fucking filling every orifice
 Ten pussies, ten assholes and ten mouths
 From which the thickest viscous ropes of drool would spill out They were sucking and fucking, choking and gagging, spitting, slapping 
Or jacking off watching the most graphic acts you can imagine
 Like some hentai kaiju with sex toys and everything
 Fuck, fill, enjoy anything

 Monsters – creeping, crawling, shrieking, balling
 All those fucking monsters
 Horrible things
 They’re coming, they’re coming, and then they’ll come again
 Monsters – feeding, gnashing, freaky, nasty
 Oh, those fucking monsters
 Horrible things
 They’re coming, they’re coming, they’re coming, they’re coming And soon we had a global epidemic on our hands
 But our noblemen and presidents and priests had hatched a plan
 Phoned up France, warned them to pass on the bloody wrath
 Tuned in Tokyo, told them to just clear a fucking path Since they never slept or ate, they only topped or bottomed
 With caution we watched some monsters drop from exhaustion
 When one would fall from fatigue, the others, no doubt
 Would crawl inside its dead body and fuck their way out Twisted into 69s and triple DPs
 These beasties brought themselves to rug-burned bloody knees
 They fucked themselves to death, and it was heard on the tube
 They left behind ponds of cum, streets slick and sticky with lube And a whole lot of monster bodies that were gathered and burned
 You may ask with some concern, “but did they ever return?”
 Well, two of them remained, and they’ve been here all along
 They just donned some human costumes, now they’re singing this song 

Monsters – creeping, crawling, shrieking, balling
 Oh, we’re fucking monsters
 Horrible things
 We’re coming, we’re coming, and then we’ll come again
 Monsters – feeding, gnashing, freaky, nasty
 Oh, we’re fucking monsters
 Horrible things
 We’re coming, we’re coming, we’re coming, we’re coming
4.
Pegged 03:26
Nowadays nobody still calls it indo I got these city birds perched outside my window Like mad pigeons, bad pigeons I’m hollering at you. What’s up? Yeah, pigeons I got them doing my hair like I’m Snow White Adidas sneakers, straight-lace them up so tight A fitted jacket, oh my, I’m looking so fly No lie in a polka-dotted bowtie I’m a man of simple pleasures, make my body rock Call me Floyd Gondoli, butter and lollipops And when I’m topping I call plays like coaches on fall days But when it comes to love I like it all ways And this time I wanna do something new And tonight I’m gonna give it all up to you My body is a rec room, your toys are inside So strap on and take your boy for a ride, alright When the sun goes down, when the moon comes out When we turn up the purring till we moan and we shout All out, you know what I’m about And tonight I want you in my world So, baby, won’t you take my hand, and Yo, maybe I will kneel where you stand Oh, lady, I love being your man And sometimes I want you in me, girl Had you heard that I’m the sort of man who does that? Did you think that I’m the type of guy who wants that? If you guessed that that that’s an act that I like Then girl, you got me pegged just right I like my fun good, dirty and harmless I’m feeling energy we need to harness Show me what you’re working with stat, display it lover Oh, I see it’s purple, sick, that’s my favorite color Oh please, you got me on both knees I love the way that you reveal with a slow tease Nothing but love between grown-ups I got a lump in my throat, you got me choked up And tonight let’s use a bad word or two And I will bend over backwards for you Give it to me straight, I can take it Just use a lot of lube and some patience When the sun goes down, when the moon comes out When we turn up the purring till we moan and we shout All out, you know what I’m about And tonight I want you in my world So, baby, won’t you take my hand, and Yo, maybe I will kneel where you stand Oh, lady, I love being your man And sometimes I want you in me, girl If you got a freak flag, then fly it
 Embark upon a voyage into the Quiet I see some straight guys looking like they don’t buy it Well, dudes (yeah, you) don’t fucking knock it till you try it If you got a freak flag, then fly it
 Embark upon a voyage into the Quiet I see some straight guys looking like they don’t buy it Well, dudes (yeah, you) get pegged or die trying
5.
Stranger 04:25
At the corner of Orchard and Stanton on the square
 Sipping booze at the Slipper Room, everyone was there
 I met a stranger there, his eyes bloodshot red
 Face pale as a ghost, he spoke to me as he said “Have you ever lost in love? Have you ever loved and lost?
 You ever left a life of love in pain and paid the highest cost?
 I have, I fell in love with an angel in rays
 But she was terminally ill, doctors had given her days She made a final wish that made my blood run cold
 Wanted to go on her own terms, awash in love’s throes
 She said, ‘I’d rather die by you in our passion so endless
 Than in the ICU in nose tubes like a necklace’ I took her hand in mine, I took her throat in the other
 I watched the dying lights behind the final smile of my lover 
I dressed her, and I kissed her, fled with little delay
 Before the ambulance arrived to take my baby away

 Down to St. James Infirmary
 And I saw my baby there
 She was stretched out on a long white table
 So sweet, so cold, so fair Now what was I to do?” He asked, “Where was I to run?
 Even if I got away, how could I live with what I’d done?
 Even though I’d only honored her request to ease her leaving 
I know there ain’t a juror in the world who’d believe me And since the thought of life without my lover was hell
 I’d decided that I’d join her with a final bow as well
 Heartbroken, guilt-ridden, at my rope’s end
 But first, I needed just to see her again So I went down to that old hospital later that night
 I snuck in and found her covered under flickering lights 
A subtle smile still upon her face, her body now breathless
 And my handprint still lay upon her like a necklace I kissed her cold lips, removed a rose from my pocket
 Made my way to the door before I froze and locked it
 And there, down at St. James, at half past nine
 I made love to my baby one last time Down at St. James Infirmary 
And I saw my baby there 
She was stretched out on a long white table
 So sweet, so cold, so fair” The stranger told his tale, downed his drink, and he stood
 He spoke to me a last request, his face like etched wood
 He said, “When I die bury me in straight-laced shoes
 A posh black suit and sing them St. James blues And slip a twenty dollar bill inside my lapel
 So I can tip the ferryman when I arrive in hell” 
I never caught his name, his face I never recognized
 But his exit was the last time that he was seen alive Some said he was tragic, some said he was reckless
 When they found him that night wearing his belt like a necklace
 And some cried about the wicked pleasures of men
 But I smiled knowing soon they’d be together again

 Down at St. James Infirmary
 And they saw each other there
 They were stretched out on long white tables
 So sweet, so cold, so fair Let her go, let her go, god bless her
 Wherever she may be
 She may search the whole world over
 But she’ll never find a man as depraved as he

about

Schaffer the Darklord loves sex. His 5-song EP “Sex Rhymes” is a love letter to that love.

credits

released October 23, 2015

Produced by Vince Vandal.
Mastered by Cecil Decker.
Lyrics and album art by Schaffer the Darklord.

db008

©2015 DB Productions

schafferthedarklord.com

license

all rights reserved

tags

about

Schaffer the Darklord

Schaffer the Darklord (or STD) is a New York City-based rapper and comedian with material best-suited for brainy and/or drug- addled audiences. With manic energy, verbose vocabulary and cartoonishly commanding stage presence, STD skewers such topics as hedonistic substance abuse, sexual compulsion, urban anxiety and obsessive cat-enthusiasts. ... more

shows

contact / help

Contact Schaffer the Darklord

Streaming and
Download help

Redeem code

Report this album or account

If you like Schaffer the Darklord, you may also like: